What I Want Versus Need


Why is it when we get what we want it can feel like a hollow victory? Maybe it’s because we didn’t really need it after all.

A few weeks ago, I made a list of what I needed and what I wanted in my life. This was soul-searching work. For so long I had operated from a place of want. I bought things because I wanted them. I had that extra glass of wine because I wanted it. I chose partners and projects because I wanted to be wanted. My wants were primal and fleeting.

It was not in my nature to work from a place of need. Even admitting that I needed anything was painful.

I sat and pondered the question: “What do I really need?” I went to my core values of love, safety, and integrity. Yes, I needed these values operating in my life, but how did I need them to show up?

Based on my core values, I came up with 5 needs I would admit to myself:

  1. I need to attract partners and clients who understand that I have a daughter and she comes first.
  2. I need to surround myself with people and projects that help me grow as a professional and whole person.
  3. I need to have my own independent life that involves travel and living everyday as a grand adventure.
  4. I need to have a spiritual practice and conscious people in my life who empower me to accept myself as I am.
  5. I need to give love and receive love through acceptance, kindness and sensitivity.

The question becomes this: “If you only focus on what you need, can you still get what you want?”

Making a list of my wants was much easier. There was a desire for lucrative clients that provided a steady stream of revenue, tickets, and invitations to exciting events; meaningful recognition for my work; beautiful clothes; and sophisticated company. After I made my two lists, what I needed started to arrive quickly; and many of my wants came along as a bonus.

I have a lot of friends and clients who consistently get what they want. They are powerful people who can manifest their desires. The great job, car, girl, or house…it all becomes a prize won, rather than a deep need fulfilled. So the desire for more things increases and the feeling of satisfaction doesn’t last. That gaping hole remains along with a feeling of restlessness and envy. Moving into a needs-based motivation simplifies, clarifies, and attracts opportunities that are much deeper and more fulfilling. That’s my experience. I hope it is yours.

For those who want to live their life on purpose and find fulfillment, declaring what you need is where to begin.


About Author

Robin Fisher-Roffer

Robin Fisher Roffer, founder and CEO of Big Fish Marketing, is America's leading personal brand strategist for executive level career professionals. She's the best-selling author of 3 books including “The Fearless Fish Out Of Water: How To Succeed When You're The Only One Like You”. Discover Robin's secret formula for igniting your career with a personal brand at 8 Steps To Igniting Your Personal Brand.

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